In December of 2006, my family was asked to participate in an episode of "wife swap". We thought it would be the chance of a lifetime to get 20K and get to experience "living in somebody elses shoes". However as soon as they showed up to start shooting; props, scripts, and scenes in towe, we became nervous about what we signed up for.
The quote "Believe nothing you read, and only half of what you see", should be the motto for "reality television". The show couldnt be a bigger load of crap. It claims to be shot over two weeks when in reality it is shot over one. They rearrange your house to make your family come across a certain way, they "black out" windows to "shoot a night scene" or bring huge lights outside if its night and they need to shoot a "day scene". They come to your house with props, a SCRIPT, a list of SCENES to shoot, THEY WRITE the manuals, THEY WRITE the "rule changes". The families depicted on the show are more like puppets asked to do and say whatever the production demands and if they dont, ultimately they will be sued for 5 MILLION DOLLARS. Some people that do these kinds of shows dont mind. Some people go on the show, ham it up, do whatever the producers tell them to do because they dont care and they want to "be famous". However those that offer resistance quickly get assigned the role of the "bad guys"; and THAT is what happened to my family.
While our friends and family know the show was a joke, we know there are people out there that saw the show that dont know us personally that became concerned. I want to set the record straight about the truth of this show- and inform everybody just how far off from "reality" it really was.
They intentionally made ZERO mention about all of the wonderful things our family shares together besides our business. The show didn't mention that Alexander and Adam have "father son time"- every weekend, they didnt add how Alexander and I enjoy "art time" together. They didn't mention that we are avid campers and frequent the Rocky Mountains. They didn't mention that we reguarly spend our weekends looking for something new and fun to do. They didnt mention ANY of the positive stuff we do together, for the sheer reason that to do so wouldnt have made us look like the kind of "characters" they wanted us to come across as.
They portrayed our "date nights" as far from reality as possible. They shot Alexander assembling a chess board when THEY ASKED US to have him demonstrate that he knew how to play... we started to wonder when they asked Adam to step out of frame because "they wanted to see him set it up by himself". THEN they ask us to simulate what our date nights looked like by taking us to a fancy restaurant, during which we had a long interview where we discussed how when Alexander was at an overnight, it was important for us to go on a date to keep the marriage healthy... a conversation of course they left out. The truth is, date night doesn't happen very often, MAYBE only twice a month- and ONLY when Alexander has an overnight with a friend or family member!!!!!
The show made a big stinking deal about my bird, which was ridiculous. At the time she was getting a bit of extra care, but they did not mention the fact that we had just gotten her a month prior to when the show was shot and she was still a baby that needed to be hand fed until weaned. But even the amount of care she was given, was greatly exaggerated in proportion to the amount of care that Alexander receives which was extremely downplayed. It was incredibly ridiculous, and insulting that they would imply that we would care more for a stupid bird then we would for our own child!!!
On the show they made a big deal about me formerly being an animal trainer, and likening it to parenting. They left out the only reason why I compared the two in their interview. I used the example that in animal training we only used what is called "positive reinforcement", where you reward everything good, and you never ever use punishment... however they didnt mention that, they just left it at me likening children to animals which is vague, very easily misconstrued, and an absolutely absurd notion if taken out of context. The only way I compared the two was by trying to get across that I believe that people should be rewarded when they do something good- however, they conveniently left that point out.
The show made it look like we are OBSESSED with the martial arts and while yes, we love training we are nowhere nearly as consumed with it as they made us look. The truth is it is our BUSINESS, and our livelihood. It is our sole source of income, how we make a living, the reason we have a roof over our head and bread on the table. Of course we are concerned about how we make our living! How different would it be if we ran a family farm? We would be equally invested to making sure ends meet, and all of us would put forth effort to ensure its success. However, it is far from the most important thing in our lives!! To imply that we care more about our jobs than our family was by far the single most insulting implication of this stupid show.
Alexander has an allergy to wheat products, which is remedied with Claritin. While they were shooting he had an allergic reaction, and they showed it like Adam had no clue what was going on with him. Adam was asked by the producer to leave Alexander so that they could "interview" him, then they got a shot of him sick, sitting alone, implying his illness was being neglected, which was far from the case.
They didnt bother to mention the fact that Alexander has nearly everything he ever asks for, AND a heafty allowance. We believe in the reward system- and he is heavily rewarded for the work he puts in at the gym. But all the stupid show included was an exaggeration of how much work he does- not what he gets for being so helpful.
The show also made it look like Alexander is up by himself daily which is also false. Yes there are some days that I will sleep in, as I have a tendency to stay up very late taking care of business to keep our family supported. But Adam is up with Alexander every morning regardless of what time he goes to bed. It is true that we don't walk him to school, because our backyard is literally shared with his schools playground….. yet another point that was intentionally left out of the show.
The show left out plenty of good times I had with the Figarratto children as well. We spent plenty of time watching anime, playing guitar hero, and even drawing together; when I told them about how Alexander and I draw together too. But again, to show any of this would have not made the kind of character that they wanted me to come across as.
In the show Adam and I came off as generally cold people, and the reason why is that we were genuinely upset with the production crew the entire time we were filming. It was very obvious from the moment we saw the "manual" they wrote that they were going to try and paint us as neglectful parents and we were very upset. It was too late to go back at that point, they reminded us they had a 5 million dollar lawsuit waiting for us if we backed out. It was not easy to fake being happy when you know that you have a crew of people trying to make you look like the bad guy, and threatening you if you try to quit. I cannot express the sadness and disappointment we felt, we did the show because they offered us a huge, life changing amount of money. We wanted the money TO BUY A HOME as we had not been able to get ahead enough with our business to get a home at that point. And then they finally start filming and we find out what we REALLY signed up for!
The absolute worst thing about the show is the cut and paste with the conversations. This was most evident during the entire shot of the "table meeting". For example, they made it look like we were talking about the bird, mentioned Alexander, and then went back to talking about the bird and that didn't happen- they frankensteined the shots. They show me saying some chopped up line that "Alexander is one third of the Martinez Family Team" / "responsible for himself". They very obviously didn't finish my first sentence, and added the end of another to make a complete harsh comment. And while this happened throughout the episode, this instance was the most offensive to me because it makes me sound like I am completely ostracizing Alexander.
The truth is, this show isn't a documentary- its "reality TV". The only things they film are the things they was people to see, and the only things they ask concern what they want people to hear. What they want people to hear and see is all for the sake of good TV and ratings, there is no allegiance to actual "reality" as we know it. They ask people to answer only certain questions- and they are instructed to answer them a very particular way. What they don't get in one fluid sentence they will work out pieces in other conversations and then cut and paste words together. There were several instances during filming that both Adam and I "got into it" with the film crew for the ways that they were harassing us- and words from those instances were inserted into other "conversations" on the show.
They edited our show so much that RDF Media (the makers of wifeswap) submitted three different versions to ABC over the span of 14 months before they had something that was "good enough television" to air. THATS how much they edited what took place! I could go on about all the bad things implied by the show, and even more the wonderful things about my family that were left out, but it would go on to the length of a novel, and frankly Im ready to move on.
In short, I deeply regret doing the show- it was nothing that I thought it would be and no amount of money in the world is worth that world believing a lie about your family. I would strongly advise anybody considering doing the show to reconsider and think about what is really important to them.
I hope that people can read my testimony and take comfort in the fact that what was shown is not what is "reality"- just a contrived, scripted, selected, and edited version of what is loosely based on reality. Since the show aired my family has been harassed by people that believe this show, and its very stressful. I accept fault for stupidly going on the show, but I hope that people can better educate themselves on the processes of "reality TV" before swallowing everything they are fed and lashing out on the people that participate.
To learn more, check out the following article by TIME on the "reality" of Reality TV:
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1154194,00.html
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- Kate Martinez 04/07/08
